Teen Mom Drinking Game

Boyfriend forget to pull out? Condom busted? No problem, MTV can make you famous, and if MTV can make you famous, CTL can get you buzzed. In honor of the unrelenting appearance of Teen Mom on TV, I bring to you the official, Teen Mom Drinking Game.

You’re probably knuckles deep in books, studying your aderall filled heart out preparing for finals. Totally sucks, I know. There is only one way to get past this once a semester terrible occurrence…

Make a drinking game out of kids who totally ruined there lives by having children way too early! I mean, you could feel bad for them, but we (as college students) worked pretty hard to make it in to college so the least we could do is laugh and get hammered at the people who got pregnant to get famous for 15 minutes.

Put down your books, pick up that stuff that makes bad decisions great ones, and get ready to get absolutely silly. I’m talking so drunk that you will utter the words “Dude… all said and done… I’d probably donate some daddy D to Kailyn.” ….Woof.

It’s safe to say you’ll be hammered by the end of this game, but at-least you won’t be preggo (we hope not). 

Take a Sip If:

  • You’re on your way to having a higher quality of life than all these girls. (BAH first one’s on me.)
  • Breakups: Every time one of the couples gets together and/or breaks up,  just be thankful you’re not a stripper waiting to happen.
  • One of the Mom’s tries to hit her baby daddy.
  • A mom tries to hit her own mom.
  • There’s child abuse or neglect, for the children. “Save The Children Rule”
  • A Baby Daddy makes a mistake that is blown way out of proportion.
  • You see or hear something trashy, take a sip. If you just happen to have a forty or some Mad Dog lying around, even better.
  • Every time one of the babies is with someone else other than the mother.
  • Any of the children are actually mentioned/cared for/the center of attention.  God knows this won’t happen often so don’t get too excited.

Take 2 Sips if:

  • There is a bleeped out curse.
  • There is a OBGYN appointment.
  • Bros Only: Every time one of the girls shuts down and starts crying.  In honor of not having to deal with emotions and all of the drama of prego women.
  • Teen mommy and daddy get in a verbal argument that could be solved in seconds if they weren’t f’n 16.
  • You “would totally download the song that’s playing in the backround.”
  • If the baby daddy does something that is absolutely douchey (to be determined by group watching – includes wearing jorts, trucker hats, hats with flames on them/camo, and rims on their crappy car).
  • If lawyers, teachers, or counselors are involved. Take one for you and one for the poor professionals having to deal with these idiots. God Bless their souls… with lots of tequila.

One Shot If:

  • You even play around with the idea that any of these girls may be somewhat attractive. No, just no bro.
  • You can’t name your future children Kailyn, Chelsea, Leah, or Jenelle because this show scarred you for life.
  •  If a cliché line is used like “You don’t even know me” or “You’re no better than me” or “I cant live with you, cant live with out you.” Pretty much anything you would of put in your AIM profile in 8th grade after you got dumped.
  • One of the moms suggests the daughter “changing her life around” by applying to a community college… I’m sure that meaningful degree will come in handy for those late nights on the pole.
  • If Jenelle talks about partying, Cheers to know longer having babies in our tummy. Bring on the sushi and shots (preferably red-headed sluts)

Whenever Rule:

  • Whenever someone is crying – drink until they stop.
  • Whenever someone is yelling – drink until they stop.
  • Whenever someone is regretting every decision they ever made – drink until they stop babbling.
  • If any of the “Teen Moms” has another pregnancy scare and/or baby, just grab a beer and start chugging. Fool me once, shame on me: Fool me twice, you’re probably a dirty skank.

If at the end of the show all you can think about is “thank god for the pill.” Go grab a water because you’re probably hungover by now.