Don’t Date These Five Guys

Don’t Date These Five Guys

The “I really want a girlfriend” guy

We have all been there, ladies. We all fall for the guy who seems to have it all. He takes you on real dates instead of frat parties, he kisses you in front of his friends, and soon enough you are shacking at his place seven days a week. It all seems fabulous until you realize this guy is a stage- 5 clinger. You’re an underclassman in college, you want to date but never fall in love, and this guy is Mr. Love. He wants so badly to have a girlfriend he would probably just smile and nod as you shared with him the exciting world of sorority recruitment or the epic battle of Peeta vs. Gale.  Well stop right now ladies and run the other direction right back into the arms of your frat-daddy because this guy is a one-way ticket to relationship-ville.

The Older Guy

So he’s an upperclassman and totally cool. He’s 21, which makes him super mature, you know, not like all the other guys you have dated! He is really into school and probably a business or accounting major, so he is going to be rich too, right? Hate to break it to you ladies, but while you’re busy rendezvousing in your dorm or at a pledge party, your cool older guy is out at the bars flirting with cool older girls. Your mom always told you that boys only want one thing, but believe me when I say an upperclassmen only talks to freshman girls for one reason: barely legal, and barely penetrated.

The Frat Guy

You saw this one coming. Sure, he’s fun, he knows how to party, and he has sweet alcohol hookups and could debatably outdrink your grandfather. He asks for your number at a party one night, maybe you go to a date function with him once or twice.  This relationship can go one of two ways. 1. You let him in your pants after said date function and he keeps you around for a while for an “acquaintances- with-benefits” type situation, or 2. You refuse his (I’m sure chivalric) advances and opt for a twenty-minute makeout-sesh and you never hear from him again. Either way, give him a few years and a few trips to the free-clinic before you ever go anywhere near this frat-star.

 The Bottom-Tier Frat Guy

Unlike your typical fraternity guy, the bottom tier frat guy is more than willing to charm your pants off rather than the typical method of large doses of alcoholic beverages. He’ll text you daily, you might even get a call. But the catch is this: every time his busted fraternity wants to throw a party, he looks at you to invite every single girl you know, because sad to say, but him and his bros are lacking in the hot-girl connections. Soon you will find yourself making excuses for his fraternity to get your friends to come out with you, “but I swear they are REALLY nice guys!,”  and “They aren’t sketchy like the really big houses!” Honey, stop lying to yourself. No matter how nice a guy he is, there’s a reason he rushed a bottom tier house, and I don’t suggest sticking around to find out what it is.

The Ex-Boyfriend From High School

Just don’t do it. Sure, you dated most of senior year and the summer before college, but as soon as you stepped onto campus, you realized how incredibly boring college life is with a boyfriend and broke it off ASAP. But then it’s Winter Break and you are both back home for a month with nothing to do but each other, and you start remembering how totally awesome he is and maybe you can make it work the second time around! Second semester isn’t as crazy as your first one anyways, right? No. You broke up with him because you are only in college once and you don’t want to spend it wrapped in the arms of your adolescent love, and miss out on all the plastic handles of vitali and keg stands of keystone that eagerly await you.

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